When you realize you are not a WORKING ARTIST.
And maybe not even an Artist at all.
Maker of Things
Artistic
Hobbyist
aka Lesser Than.
Does it matter?
YES!
Maybe.
I don't know.
What I DO know is posing as a "working artist" when I'm not... feels like I am sullying all those who truly are working artists.
How do I define that... "Working Artist"??
Someone who strives to make their livelihood from the sale of their artwork.
Someone who strives to create a Body of Work. As Legacy.
Someone who seeks out representation and galleries and collectors.
I. Am. None. Of. These.
At once it feels devastating and also? A tiny bit freeing. The weight of expectation, moving off my shoulders. And the need to apologize to those who've bought my work thinking I was in fact all of those things. Or who felt, maybe, I was destined for bigger things. Who wanted my work to have meaning and longevity. Substance.
I am also a bit concerned I'm stopping or quitting or dropping my responsibility. Because I've definitely done THAT in the past.
But. I don't think so.
I think, maybe, I just realized I'm not as great as I thought I was.
And I'm sort of mortified. And kind of relieved.
I wrote this more than 2 weeks ago and I've been sitting with it ever since.
It still feels correct.
It still feels a bit raw, unprotected, vulnerable.
And I'm still not quite sure what it actually MEANS.
Making Things will always be in my life.
For sale? For show? For anyone else? THAT'S what I'm not entirely sure about.
What I do know is that I will be taking the summer OFF. Maybe from Instagram. Certainly from FB and this website.
I have commitments to artists who have answered 10 Questions for Artists and I will still be publishing those until the end of June. Sign up HERE be notified when they're LIVE.
After that? Well? All bets are off.
Taking time off, I hope, will allow my true interests and passions to rise to the surface. And I'll take it from there.
Until we meet again!
ciao for now ... Jen
Lots emotion to unpack in this post! Creating things that meet your standards of care/quality/creativity I would think would be near the top of your importance list. If you can't do these things...difficult to find motivation.
ReplyDeleteWork is much like a spring... too much tension and its hard to keep going, too little tension and things are too easy (yawn!). Finding that right amount is key for longevity! :-p
Thanks, Cliff. Thankfully not too much emotion attached to this but more a long, slow realization. An 'oh yahhhhh!' moment. I hope it means a freeing up of expectation which can be a heavy weight to carry and ultimately stops/drags down creative energy. A good few months out in the garden is probably all I need. ❤
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