I went for a walk in the woods today.
The first time in a long time.
I was pondering measurement ... to determine the point at which a task...a goal...has been achieved.
A success.
Or not.
And the judgements that result.
In my art life, measuring success hasn't been that important to me. I can easily look at someone else's goal or task ... a gallery show maybe... and think, "Good for them!" because that isn't important to me.
In my body life, that isn't so clear cut. Even if someone else's goal is not my own, I lament that I don't measure up and am therefore a failure.
In my art life, seeking new skills is very important to me. And I know that with any new endeavour a learning curve will exist. And if I practice, I will learn proficiency. And if I don't? Well. Maybe that skill just wasn't for me. Or I wasn't ready. Or I need to come back later. Regardless ...no recriminations. No battering ram of self.
In my body life, these realizations do not come easily. I feel for some unknown reason that I *should* know. I *should* be better ... faster... stronger... thinner... even though my skill level may be very low on that particular learning curve.
In my art life, I sometimes lament that I don't "produce". I've gazed longingly at "makers" and their festive summer and winter markets thinking, "That would be so much fun! Why don't I do that?!" even though the idea of making 2 of the exact same thing makes my eyes twitch. If I dig deeper, it is the idea of a sustained goal or having amassed a body of work that intrigues me. My hunter gatherer loves having a full larder! A slightly less full harvest does not make me a non-producer. I can quite happily attempt a cohesive body of work or a sustained making goal with the addendum that I can stop if it doesn't feel interesting any more. Or give myself time off or stretch the boundaries of the goal. This doesn't make me any less successful!
In my body life, someone else's goals are not mine. I may not want to devote the time and energy to achieving what they have achieved. That does not make me a failure.
We can never know where someone else is on their own trajectory so how can we judge them? And if someone makes that judgement about me, well doesn't that suggest more about them?
Goals are important.
And knowing when we ...I... achieve those goals is important.
But allowing myself to be free from judgement of these tasks and their results is equally important.
I need to remember we are all on our own path.
And if ...when... I start to lament my lack of progress or as a perceived failure remember to ask myself, "Is it important to me? Do I want that?"
Only then, can I judge if it has been a success or not.